How Are You?

"How are you?"

Is the hardest sentence I couldn't have the courage to send to you. I really want to know your day, your life, your feeling. But it becomes harder and harder each day to know it all from you.

Instead, I hid my curiosity and chose to answer you harshly. I know how bad it was, but I couldn't help trying to hurt you as to how you did to me. I was just being childish, wanting you to know how it felt to have a short answer like how you did. Wanting you to know how difficult it was for me to see your answer and still try to keep a good conversation even though you didn't care that much about my intention. Wanting to turn the feeling I once had when you act like that to me. Even though it felt not right to me too, it hurt me answering like that to you.

I try so hard to accept the fact that we are slowly becoming a stranger again. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable by seeing my name pop up on your screen, I just want you to feel good and find your "right one". If that makes you happy, I would be happy too... I have to even when it's gonna hurt me.

2020-09

umiatikah